Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
