Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
