so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
