I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
