there's paper in my vomit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
