Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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