I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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