This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
