ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize