i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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