i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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