i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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