do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
