You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
