I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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