i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
