i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
