make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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