like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
