I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
