she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize