highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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