I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize