also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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