i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The adults are the big ones right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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