Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just found puke in my bra..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize