this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
