I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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