So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
