exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
