My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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