Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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