Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
