I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
