I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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