Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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