I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's like heaven, but drunker
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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