On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
