Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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