just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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