and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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