I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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