I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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