You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
