It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
