we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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