I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
