When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize