I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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