why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is classic penis vs brain.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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