we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
