I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
