woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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