dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
