Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
