If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
