He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
