TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
