Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
