gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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