She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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