This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
me + whiskey = a bad person
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
