I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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