I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize