I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
