This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
