i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
